The first step to a great relationship is developing an understanding of our partner. By learning about our partner when it comes to how they think, their habits and any other type of difference there may be, you are setting a sturdy foundation for a lasting relationship.
Check out this helpful article about understanding your partner from Improving Relationships.
How can we come to understand our partner? What might happen if we were actually just present with them? What if we continued to be curious about their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and attitudes long after the dating was done?
Most of the time at the beginning of a relationship, people are good at sharing, talking and trying to get to know each other. They are good at offering acceptance and approval. Hopefully the faces they choose to share with each other accurately represent who they are.
We will not create the kind of relationship that will feed our soul by pretending to be someone other than who we are. Real relationships are formed when we willingly share who we really are, not who we think we should be or who we think our partner wants us to be. Openness and authenticity will help us better understand each other.
To continue the ongoing quest to understand your partner it helps to acknowledge that your partner is different and that those differences are okay. To start with there are differences that exist because of your gender. Can you appreciate that men and women think and behave differently and they have different expectation for the relationship?
Chances are you and your partner also come from two totally different family cultures; even if you grew up in the same community. Your family might have been loud and their family might have been quiet. Your family may have dealt with issue openly and their family might have swept problems under the rug. Choose to learn about the culture of your partner’s family-of-origin and share your own in a respectful and caring way. Choose to work together to develop a shared culture for your relationship.
The two of you have different personalities and different personal histories. You may have different values and different approaches to life. These differences can make your relationship richer and more interesting as long as you choose to respect those differences. If you value the differences, rather than seeing them as problems you can grow closer and increase your understanding of each other.
Differences and lack of understanding can lead to conflict, especially when one or both partners insist that their way of doing or thinking is the right way. Problems can also arise when partner compete and score keep. Thinking that we are better or worse than our partner does not help us understand and connect with them.
Take the challenge to celebrate your difference and work together as a team. Give each other the priceless gift of understanding. Help your partner feel completely respected and that you really “get” them.
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To see more helpful information, Improving Relationships
